Dear empire, we’re having a very mild case of severe rebellion, um, everywhere. But don’t worry, it’s totally under control. Everything’s fine, we’ve got this. Don’t panic.
PS, rebel leaders if you’re reading this we’ll give you more than you’ve ever dreamed of if you’ll just stop attacking us, pretty please. But no it’s fine, we’re totally going to win, for sure.
PPS, Imperial Army please stop refusing to fight. We’re totally serious about this. Joke’s over, it’s not funny anymore. Fight the rebels or we’re going to be, like, super angry with you. Victory is assured. No problem whatsoever.
PPS, local magistrates, please recruit your peasants to fight the rebels – promise them whatever you have to. Seriously, anything. Long live the victorious Tang. No, the plane engines only look like they’re on fire. They’re supposed to look like that. That’s completely normal.
Love, Emperor Xizong.
Time Period Covered:
Major Historical Figures:
Emperor Yizong of Tang [d. 873]
Emperor Xizong of Tang (Li Wen) [r. 873-888]
Tian Lingzi, court eunuch-official
General Song Wei
General Zhang Zimian
Wang Xianzhi, Supreme Rebel General [d. 877]
Huang Chao, Heaven-Storming General [d. 884]
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